Admissions – Page 3

Are College Admissions Directors Out Of Touch With The Rest of Us?

A new survey of 576 college admissions directors about the state of student indebtedness gives us a sneak peek into the beliefs of those who create financial aid policies at both public and private colleges and universities in America. And spoiler alert – the news isn’t good.

This survey, developed jointly by Inside Higher Ed editors and Gallup researchers and consultants, takes the pulse of key university administrators about issues regarding average student indebtedness. According to the Project on Student Debt, the average loan debt accrued after four years of a college education is now $25,250., an all-time high. These loans come from all sources: government, university and private sources.

Not surprisingly, when asked to identify the most “reasonable” debt range for a four year program, 42% of surveyed admissions directors chose the current $20K-$30K range. More importantly, though, a full 28% of private college admissions directors and 12% of public college admissions directors chose the $30K-$50K range as a reasonable debt range. This leaves the average person wondering what these people are thinking because their opinions are very much at odds with public opinion.

The reality is that a full 53% of college graduates under the age of 25 are either unemployed or under-employed, way up from 41% in 2000. According to the Oraganization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), these figures suggest that new college graduates actually fare worse than other sectors in the job market.

So what are these college admissions directors thinking?

Having been a college admissions dean for many years, I understand the ‘silo effect’ created by working within an organization, and the pressure to enroll a class while meeting all of that institution’s needs. You can only do what you can do within the culture of your university. There is a financial aid budget allotted annually that must be spread around to cover as much student need as possible, but often it just is not enough. Most private colleges use the policy known as “gapping” – offering aid but not enough to meet the need of the admitted student who must then make up the difference with loans or sources of income outside of the family income/asset stream. Private loans usually carry a higher interest rate, making the cost of college more than originally estimated. Most applicants are unaware of this when they apply.

While I can understand the opinions represented in this survey, I fundamentally disagree with the entire way we support education in this culture. We seem to have no national consensus about what education should be now, how it should serve the citizenry. There is currently little connection between the degrees students earn in college and available job opportunities. No one is driving this bus.

When I went to college back in the Baby Boomer days, education was a mind expander designed to open the world and help us think critically about the great issues of the day. In that very different world, is no surprise that this happened coincident with the Civil Rights, anti-war and Feminist movements. Today, however, with the world moving on at astonishing speed, admissions directors are reporting that 96% of parents and 84% of students are focused on that gold ring of employment at the end of a 4 year degree.

And herein lies the disconnect.

Once again, we are looking for the leadership within the college/university community to help structure a Deep Rethink of the whole process. What are we actually doing when we charge $50K+ annually for a rite of passage with just the vaguest of promises of employment, when so many graduates often have no way to repay those borrowed dollars at the end?

How much do we really value education in the US anyway?

First Aid for College Applicants: Esteeming

Another cycle of college admissions has begun and I’m so struck by the deep fear of students and their parents in the runup to the application deadlines. I offer the usual excellent advice (take it slow, one step at a time, get lots of sleep) but see how often it goes in one ear and straight out the other. Yeah, no kidding. I get it. I’ve been plenty scared in life myself.

So I’ve hit on an important concept I want to encourage you to use as your child is in the throes of applying to college. I call it ‘first aid’ to stop the hemorrhaging of confidence that is inevitable this time of year.

I encourage you to amp up your esteeming of your child.

Esteeming?

You might feel resistance at first. One parent rolled her eyes when I gave her this advice and said, “Oh brother. Aren’t they esteemed enough?” Made me smile. But here’s the thing…actually, no. They aren’t esteemed enough right now.

You can’t possibly understand the scary nature of your child’s world during this moment in time.

They are expected to master the most rigorous curriculum ever offered in the US (thanks to confluence of the knowledge explosion afforded by the internet and the accountability movement of No Child Left Behind). They are expected to provide evidence of leadership sustained over time for college admissions officers who are partial to that kind of person. These same admissions officers expect to see full-blown, highly-perfected humans among their applicant pool of teenagers who, for the most part, are far from it. Students hear snippits of information about admissions that scare them and then, like all people, they connect the dots and make stuff up about how college admissions works. Except that it doesn’t work that way and they are working off of bad information. They are connected to each other 24/7 through technology in ways we aren’t. Social media sucks them into mob mentality. As teenagers, they want to fit in and be accepted for who they are all the while they have yet to grow into social confidence, like puppies who are growing into their paws. They have pimples and body issues as they transform into adults. Their hormones are fluctuating, causing moodiness and angst and a general sense of careening out of control. They are trying to please everyone and to be seen as special when they really don’t feel special at all.

In short, teenagers aren’t finished yet.

So I am urging parents to offer your children ballast. Be extra gentle with them now. Praise them for what they do right and bite your tongue when they screw up. Ease up a bit. Love them, even if you have to take out their baby pictures to remind yourself how perfect they were then because as teenagers they are sometimes a pain in the butt. 😉

This is their initiation into adulthood. It is hard to put years of your life on the line to be judged by strangers using rules you will never understand in such a public way. We adults have never been where they are because our world was so much safer.

Amp up the esteeming and you will see how they relax back into you. It will change everything.

How To Create Peace At Home During the College Application Process

Well, we’re now full-blown in the holiday season again (didn’t we just do this a few months ago?) and if you are the parent of a high schooler applying to college, you probably aren’t singing songs of joy and peace right about now. Chances are, your child is having the usual teenage mood swings and rebellion compounded by all the additional stress of applying to college and the ultimate fear/Nirvana: leaving you for college come fall. If your home is peaceful, please write and tell the rest of us how you’ve managed that. If you are typical, though, you probably need a breather from the increasing tension.

I know a lot about such things because I’ve been through that minefield. And if you think it’s hard to parent a 17 year old, wait until you have to parent a 20-something, which is where I am now. 24 is the new 17. Yikes! So here’s my holiday gift to you…

My surefire recipe for creating peace at home in stressful times

Step 1. Lock yourself in the bathroom and breathe. Breathing is very under-rated. It calms the nervous system and slows the heart. The goal is to get centered in what is happening around you and how you feel about it. In other words, locking yourself in the bathroom gives you some distance, and distance is good when your nerves are frayed and you are about to say or do something stupid that you’ll later regret.

Step 2. Accept the fact that you are not applying to college. Your child is. This is not your firewalk. You don’t have to stay up all night making applications to school. Your academic performance is not about to be judged. You are not about to be accepted or rejected by strangers. It isn’t happening to you, though it sure feels like it. Breathe some more and feel a tiny bit of relief as you meditate on this thought: aren’t you glad you’re not your child?

Step 3. Remember that your role in this college application business is to be your family’s grounding cord. You’ve lived through harrowing times before and have came through them OK. You know that life ebbs and flows, that it brings great times and tough times. That’s what we signed up for when we decided to be human beings. So breathe again and ask yourself how you can ground the rest of your family and create a peaceful home. Breathe in some of that peaceful feeling that you’d like to inject.

Do What Only You Can Do

Step 4. Commit to yourself that you will be unflappable in the coming weeks. You will listen and empathize and go on with your life without trying to fix anything, because you are doing what only you can do – modeling healthy adult behavior during a tough time. You are literally showing your child how it’s done. Matching their own anxiety doesn’t help them. It just makes everything worse.

Step 5. If you want to clear your anxiety and frayed nerves, there is nothing like tapping (EFT). Here is a great script for that. If not, there are many other ways to stay calm in the center of a Category 5 storm: breathing; meditation; reading; going for a walk; talking to a friend or a “paid friend”. Remember what flight attendants tell us upon boarding a plane: place your own oxygen mask on before helping others. Your child needs you to stay strong and relaxed now. Your family needs you to create peace. And you need to enjoy the holidays.

A Tapping Script To Lower Anxiety

Tapping is the perfect first aid for both the parents of students applying to college and for the applicants themselves when the anxiety of the college application process gets overwhelming.

Check out this basic tapping video by the wonderful Jessica Ortner to learn this simple technique. And yes, it is this simple. 😉

It’s best to tap when you feel the strongest emotions. When you get stressed, step away from everyone, find a private place and start tapping. Here is a good script to follow- speak these words as you tap. Feel free to add your own words, since it should fit your experience. Or you can just feel the emotion and say nothing at all. Just feel and tap. You can’t do it wrong and you can’t screw it up. Your body wants to clear the excess charge on your nervous system that’s causing the pain and will respond eagerly. You might experience yawning, which is an excellent signal that your energy is moving and the tapping is working. You may feel very tired by the end, also a good sign, so let yourself rest for awhile. Listen to your body. It always knows best what it needs.

I’ve given you three rounds, but you can do as many as you want. EFT Master Dr. Pat Carrington, creator of the “choice” method I use here, says you’ll help yourself no matter what if you tap at least 5 rounds. I tap every day to keep myself calm and clear.

The abbreviations refer to the point on your body where you’ll tap about 5-7 times as you speak the associated sentence. Tapping does look strange, so you might feel more comfortable doing this in a private space. Make sure to drink some water before and after. The body is more electric than chemical, afterall.

Round 1:

Karate Chop (KC): Even though I’m so upset and for good reason, I accept myself and all of these feelings. (say this 3 times)

Eyebrow (EB): I’m so upset.

Side of Eye (SE): I’m so worried/anxious/afraid.

Under Eye (UE): What if the worst happens?

Under Nose (UN): What will I do? How will I handle that?

Chin (CP): It’s all up to me and I’m feeling overwhelmed.

Collarbone (CB): I wish I could calm down.

Under Arm (UA): I’m so worried, upset and anxious.

Top of Head (TH): I just want everything to be over because I can’t stand the stress.

Round 2:

KC: Even though I’m so stressed out and I have good reason to be – anybody would be -, maybe there is a way to see this differently. (3x)

EB: This upset/stress/worry is so uncomfortable.

SE: I’ve been through trying times before.

UE: I know this situation won’t last forever.

UN: Maybe I just need to take a break and vent.

CP: Maybe I can get more sleep and eat nutritious food.

CB: This too shall pass.

UA: I know I can calm down eventually and I’d like to feel calm now.

TH: I accept myself and my situation completely. That’s the way life is.

Round 3:

KC: Even though I’m still upset/worried/stressed out, I choose to be calm, confident and relaxed. (3x)

EB: Calm, confident and relaxed.

SE: I choose to know that everything is going to be OK.

UE: I choose to see that in this moment I’m safe and all is well.

UN: I choose to be calm, confident and relaxed.

CP: Calming down now, relaxing my body.

CB: It feels good to take a break and feel calm, confident and relaxed.

UA: Calm, confident and relaxed.

TH: I accept myself and my situation completely and choose to feel calm, confident and relaxed. Everything is going to be OK.

Repeat as many times as you’d like.

Why I Want Everyone To Learn Tapping

Since I’ve been pitching tapping (EFT) in a few of my blogs, I figured I’d take the opportunity to tell you what I’m talking about and why I want everyone to learn the technique.

Tapping is a quick and effective way to relieve any kind of pain, whether it is physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. Also known as EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique (which I think is a misnomer because it works so broadly), tapping is like acupuncture without needles. The underlying concept is that pain comes from a blockage somewhere in your energy system. Because you don’t know where the blockage actually is, you tap on certain points on your body where some of those 80, 000 meridians that make up your vast energy system come together. And voila…in a few short minutes, you usually get relief.

I use it everyday for something. Last night, for example, I bumped the top of my head hard on a cabinet corner, the kind of accident I knew would swell. I tapped for about 1 minute. The pain went away completely and I have no lump or even bruise today. No need for ice. 😉 Frankly, there isn’t room enough in this blog to describe the many times I’ve used it and received miraculous results. Stopped bleeding with it. Made burns and headaches go away in minutes. Cured flying, elevator and water phobias. Stopped PTSD in its tracks. Tapping is especially excellent for taking anxiety down quickly, which is why I teach it to so many of my clients. And anyone – even kids – can do it. I want everyone to learn this because it’s the fastest and most effective way to get out of pain I’ve ever experienced.

Here is a short video to show you how to tap:

I understand your skepticism. Tapping makes no sense based on the science we all learned in school, science rooted in Newtonian physics where the universe is made of matter and substance and follows certain inalienable rules (Newton’s Laws). But since we left school, scientific discovery has moved on and if we choose to, we can now see the world through the lens of quantum physics, where the universe is vibrational like humming rubber bands and DNA is directly affected by the vibration of emotion. Quantum physics trumps Newtonian physics and offers us exciting possibilities for future discovery. Read anything by Lisa Randall, Michio Kaku or Bruce Lipton and your world will change forever.

There are many tapping videos by the field’s experts on YouTube so you can tap along. Anything by Carol Look is great. She is my tapping supervisor for my training and is one of the small cadre of EFT Masters. I’m also crazy about Margaret Lynch who specializes in tapping for money issues. I relate to Margaret alot because she is an engineer, fun, funny, slightly outrageous and extraordinarily effective. She also takes the tapping one step further by combining it with energy concepts taught by her partner Rhys Thomas, founder of The Rhys Thomas Institute of Energy Medicine in MA.

It doesn’t matter whether or not you understand it or believe in it. Just like gravity, it works anyway. 😉 I urge you to open your mind and use it on yourself, your kids, your animals, your plants. Try it on anything and see for yourself.